· Be · Still

My Grandmother died on Halloween morning.

www.webfh.com/fh/obituaries/obituary.cfm

The last few days have been rough. Paul and I actually did the neighborhood Halloween party. It felt forced and I was exhausted. I cancelled all of my classes this week. I've received some nice sympathetic emails from some students. I've been watching a lot of TV, mostly Buffy at night. Buffy comforts me.

Today is the visitation. I'm not sure I'm going to even go up to the casket. I don't think I care to see my Grandma's body. I like to think about her spirit. Tomorrow is the service. I really want this time over-with.

My Grandmother is at home, in hospice care. It was much easier to visit her at her home, than it was in the scarey hospital. They say she only has about a week or two left. She's still lucid and can hold conversation. I went over yesterday before my class at Macomb, but she just laid down for a nap, so I couldn't do anymore than tell her that Paul and I would come again the next day (today.) My mom called me and is talking to me again, but just because of the circumstance. Luckily, I had my second therapy session yesterday and my therapist talked with me about how to "stay out of the line of fire" with my mom. This time should be about my Grandmother and not about my mom's mean behavior.

In lighter news, I got up SO late today.The rain is coming down, making a very soothing sound from our attic bedroom window. It was far too cozy to spring up at 8AM. We also stayed up late for the horror movie night. I couldn't make it through The Descent, 'cause this has been a difficult week for me emotionally, as it is, and wow, The Descent is crazy. It was good to see The Shining again. It looked awsome on our giant screen. Shelley DuVall reminds me of Boxcarwilly.

Paul and I are planning on visiting my Grandma today and then going to the movies. I don't know if the movies will work out, since we don't like to go at night, on Fridays or Saturdays. I guess we'll probably see Where The Wild Things Are, if we make it.

I bought some Halloween decor and a costume: Indian Lady. I accidently bought a feather headdress. (NOT VEGAN). I wasn't thinking. My mind was on loosing my Grandmother.

My Grandma is going to pass away soon. She's in the hosptial right now and she's going home on Tuesday. My cousin said that my mom said that my Grandma probably only has a couple of weeks. We visited her yesterday and it was hard. I don't think she knows that she is in the final stages. She said she hopes that it isn't one of those winter when it's ten below all the time. After the visit, as we walked out, I lost it.

My parents and I still aren't speaking (remember: for no reason, my mom wouldn't talk to me at my wedding, and my dad is an alcoholic, who I have past my point of tolerance with.) My Grandma is my mom's mom. I just found a therapist to work with to understand my relationship with my parents, last week. I'm pretty sure my mom has villified me to all of my relatives. I am having a difficult time finding out information about my Grandma. We are also having a hard time coordinating a time to visit her. I suspect that that will be even harder, once we move her home. I don't want to talk to my mother yet. I'm not ready, so I'm avoiding her. When my Grandma passes away, I'm sure they (my mom and her sisters) will all fight about stuff and money. I don't want any part of that, but I would like a necklace or something, to remember my Grandmother by.

I am feeling some serious grief. I'm having a difficult time right now, for sure. I don't feel like working this week, but I know I have to. I just can't hear any shit from students at the moment.

We were suppose to go out to Ypsilanti tonight to have dinner with Brad and Jen and retrieve the keg they bought from us, so that we can return it to Whole Foods, but I haven't heard back from Jen about what time. Our plan B) Built to Spill at the Royal Oak theater. It would take all our money to go to this. :(

I should get moving, since I want to be at the Y by 9!

I haven't posted in a long time. The beginning of the semester has demanded much of my time.

I have been busy:

• We visited my Grandma for the first time since the wedding. We watched the DVD of all our photos.
• We ate dinner with Paul's parents because they are about to embark on their annual RV trip around the country. They won't be back until spring. There is talk of Paul and I meeting them in Las Vegas in November, for a weekend. I've never been there.
• There is much to do at the beginning of the semester. I have three classes (a load I am used to), but it still takes a while to get a routine down and a flow.
• Working out. I have gained 7 pounds in the last 5 weeks and I have no idea why. Perhaps, it's the coconut milk. Ugh. We seriously have to cut down on the desserts.
• Writing Thank You cards. (We have to get these out before the proper two month deadline.
• I'm still not talking to my parents. Sometimes I feel sad about it, but most of the time, I'm glad to have a break from the drama, addiction and negativity. Sigh. All I can do is pray.
• On an up note, Paul and I have been watch The X-Files all the way through. We are almost to the end of season three. It's so awsome and funny. I LOVE Skully! (When it was originally on the air, I was in college and I my social life was full. I did watch some episodes, but not in prgression.) I WANT TO BELIEVE.
• The Dollhouse season two premier is next week.
• We met a couple we hit it off with at Jen and Brad's wedding next week. Their names are Jeremy and Rachel. Rachel works for an independent bookstore in Ann Arbor. The bookstore specializes in "alternative" medicin and beliefs. We talked to them for hours. It's nice to make new friends.
• The Ferndale DIY Festival (Funky Air Fair) is this weekend: http://diystreetfair.com/ We are planning to walk down there with our neighbors, Bob and Jean. Last year it was pretty fun. One of my favorite Etsy sellers will have a stand: http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=5393842 I'm glad I get paid tomorrow.

It's about time that I posted some photos of my wedding.

Our wedding looked gorgeous! Our wedding party worked their butts off to complete the reception decorations in time. All of our vendors were amazing. Our photographer, Philip Southern, was completely awsome. Everyone loved his presence at the wedding and his photos are aweing. The ones I am posting are unedited. I can't wait to see the edited versions.

I love Paul and we are married! It took me a while to refocus on that because my parents (both in their unique ways) hurt me deeply during the wedding recpetion. (You might remember my concerns about them over the planning months.) I haven't talked to either of them since the wedding. It's sad, but I'm working through it.

 

The wedding was a success! The food was awsome! The babies were cute! The dancing was Dionesian! I felt beautiful! I LOVE PAUL! My friends are wonderful! It felt good to have them all around us! I cannot wait to see the photos.

My mom is exhausted, confused and unhappy. She hurt me (and Paul) badly at our wedding, but I'm going to try to push that aside so that I can fondly remember our wedding. Oh but it is hard, because she pretty much ruined it for me.  I'm going to try to forgive her.

I am Mrs. MacLeod of the clan MacLeod and I can never die. :) (from The Higlander, sans the Mrs.)

We are off to the UK tomorrow. We have much to do today in preparation. This, this is ours.

Yup. There are only four days until I am married. I don't have cold feet at all. I love Paul. My life is a million times better with him in it. I look forward to experiencing life together. :) It's going to be rad.

Today I have to finish up a few wedding tasks. We made large "Wedding -->" signs to stick in the ground at the park, so that guests know to keep driving to get to the Environmental Discovery Center. I have to mount the signs. I also want to iron Paul's kilt this morning.

We pick Amie up from the airport tonight at around 4:30PM! Yea!
Paul's last day of work is tomorrow.
We pickup Alison and Brian on Wednesday night.
Thursday we set the wedding up and hold our rehearsal dinner.
Friday! Friday! Yea.

There is a possibility that I will not update again until after we get back from our honeymoon.

Yesterday, Paul and I took care of business.
 
First, I called and paid our balance with the caterers. Eight more people was $259.66! I sincerely hope none of our guests cancel without a good reason, because there are no refunds. We have a few friends who back out of stuff (from time to time) at the last minute with lame excuses, and man, it will be upsetting if they pull this and waste our money. Money is on the mind, and obviously with good reason. We had to reborrow money from Paul's parents, because we needed more money for the bar than we thought, and because we went over our 100 guest limit. I'm sure I won't spend my wedding day thinking about money, but right now, I feel a little on edge.

We went by my Grandma's yesterday to visit. She isn't coming to the wedding, so it was the last time we will see her until after our honeymoon. I brought her a wedding program, a favor and a fancy water bottle that we will have on the tables at the wedding. It was good to see her. We visit her every week, so it will be wierd to not see her for three weeks.

We went to Mejer to get some additional mixers for our bar and to get some Vanilla Stoli's. Mmm. I do not like Mejer at all. :)

We went to Kinkos to have our seating chart blown up and mounted. We'll get that back today. I hope it looks okay.

Then, Paul tried on his outfit for the wedding day. We had to call the celtic Croft people and order him some larger shoes. We also had to order some hose and "flashers." We thought we ordered those, but they didn't come. His Utility kilt needs ironing and so does the lapel of his jacket. Here he is, in a comic pose for the camera:

Isn't he the cutest?

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I should be off to the gym. I need to more and loosen up a bit. Paul and I are going next door, to Keir and Deanna's, for a neighborhood party tonight. Amie comes on Monday. There is SO MUCH going on right now.

I liked yesterday's better.

We have an assload of stuff to do today. We are also goign to visit my Grandma for the last time before the wedding and honeymoon. She is not going to the wedding, so we won't see her for nearly three weeks. :(

I cannot believe that there are only eight days until our wedding! OMG! Amie (my MOH) will get here in only four days. Wow! Things are speeding forward. I'm starting to get more excited!

Last night, I went with Charlene and Teresa to this place called Go Comedy Improv Club. It was pretty sweet.-- live improv troupes. Obviously, these actor/comedians work together regularly and their improvisations seem to start from sort of basic structure. It was pretty funny. Some of the segments flopped, but some were kick ass. They have Improv Karioki at 10PM. This is probably why they have a full bar. In short, the comedy place was nice and I had no idea that something so cool was happening in Ferndale every night. It made me excited to live in this area again.

The bachelor party went down last night. They played horse shoes, drank A LOT of beer and ate Jet's pizza. I know this because I can look around our backyard and see the evidence. They also had a giant bottle of fancy whiskey. (I haven't been in the movie room yet. Paul was sleeping down there, when I woke up this morning. The bottle of whiskey must be down there.) Paul woke up a few minutes ago, and yes, he drank a ton. He smells funny. I know he's going to hurt today. He really doesn't drink very often, especially since I don't drink. (I had two glasses of wine and one beer this weekend, but it did nothing for me, but make me sleepy. It was the first alcohol I've had in eight months.) We have some tasks to accomplish today, so he's upstairs, sleeping it off.

Well, I should probably get out the door and start running before it gets too hot.

Wedding Weather (as of this moment the prediction is):
Plenty of sun. Highs in the upper 70s. Lows in the upper 50s.

Tonight is Paul's bachelor party. The party will consist of him and three of his friends, pizza, beer, Xbox360 and the movie, The Warriors. He also came home with a set of horse shoes to play in the back yard (cute.) I am going to The Fly Trap with Teresa and Charlene, and then we are going to that new comedy club in Ferndale, on 9 mile. Charlene has to be home by ten, so it'll be an early night. I don't think I will have a problem getting to sleep, since the boys will be in the basement.

I'm thinking about doing my makeup as if I'm doing my wedding makeup tonight, to get some practice and see how it looks.

I wrote my vows today. The vows are straight forward, which makes me think they are sort of cliche. I read them to Paul, when he got home today and he got teary-- so they are keepers.

Tomorrow, my cousin Emily is coming over to talk about being Bill's cat nanny, but before that Paul and I need to go to Home Depot and get a couple keys made (one for her.) We also have to go pick up an air mattress that we are borrowing from friends, for one of our out-of-town guests to sleep on. I hope Paul doesn't get hung over or stay up too long tonight. We have a lot to take care of in the next couple days. (I'm a task master.) 

I guess I'll get started experimenting with makeup.

There are only twelve days until our wedding. It's unbelievable. Yesterday, I made an emergency list of phone numbers for our cat-nanny (my cousin Emily.) She's going to stay at our house for the entire ten days, which is awsome, because Bill would NOT like to be alone for that long. I am so thankful to her to take care of him. She is a cat lover. Also, Paul and I went on iTunes and bought a bunch of music. I am going to walk down the aisle to Somewhere Over The Rainbow covered by Rufus Wainwright. OMG, Rufus milks the song for every drop of its meloncholy. We knew Rufus was the man for the tear wrenching job. I just hope I don't cry. We also got a bunch of stuff by The Vitamin String Quartet. They do A BUNCH (literally thousands) of covers of altenative and rock songs, but arranged with all strings. Where Is My Head by the Pixies and covered by the VSQ is badass! This music will start playing a half an hour before the ceremony, while people are being seated.

This week I have to pull together everything. All the strings need wrapping up. We have to have the seating chart printed. I have to drop ribbons off at the florists. I have to give the caterers the final headcount, which I think is 109, and two babies. :) Everything needs organizing. Tonight I'm going to stick stickers on water bottles. Fun times.

We went to Traverse City for a wedding on Friday. It was on the top of a hill, at our friend Daniel, father's house. The house was mega fancy. The ceremony was super casual, which I was glad of, since I tend to cry at weddings. The family came out in a conga line and danced to Do That Conga by Miami Sound Machine (yuk.) That part was both entertaining and disturbing.

We recogonized that our wedding will be better in certain ways (not that it's a competition). We think the seating chart will be nice. There wasn't a seating chart at their wedding, so it made us scramble to get a seat with people we knew. We had to save our seats with our stuff. They didn't have a caterer, a bartender or an MC, so they had to have their family members yell when it was time for dinner and etc. We also had to wait in line for thrity-minutes for not-hot food. We could have really used a good meal, after traveling so far to get there. The location of the wedding was tops, and of course, I love the bride and groom, so that was a plus too. I think that all the added formalities of our wedding will actually make it more comfortable for everyone, family and friends.

 

The cannot believe the way time is rushing by. I don't feel ready. There is a lot of organization to do.

Yesterday, I got out the wedding bands we ordered from Etsy. They are hammered metal. I tried mine on with my wedding ring again and I decided that I didn't like it. Paul's matching one looks good on him. It has a masculine style to it. Mine just looked akward and bulky on me:
 

This weekend, I will have very little time to work on the wedding stuff. Tonight, our friends Joe and Tyia (and their two year old Sol) are
coming over to watch a Chinese film (Tyia is Thai, not Chinese, but I guess she likes all things Asian), called In The Mood For Love. That should be fun. Tomorrow moring we are getting up at the crack of dawn to drive to Traverse City for a wedding. Yea! We are spending the night and then trying to leave early enough to be back for our friends, Teresa and Charlene's joint birthday party.

Teresa and Charlene are taking me out next week, on Wednesday, since Paul's bachelor party is that night (that means about 5 guys are coming over here to drink beer, play video games and watch The Warriors.) I don't know what we are doing for my bachelorette party. I can't help but feel as if Charlene got talked into taking me out by Chuck (Paul's best man and her fiance), but me and Charlene are friends too. Amie doesn't arrive until Monday, August 10th and Alison and Brian won't be here until the 12th. That's a little late for a bachelorette party. I don't really care about having one either way, especailly since I haven't drank any alcohol for almost eight months.

We met with our photographer last night (I almost forgot about this.) Here is a link to his work: http://philipsouthern.com/
 

He's only 22, but he seemed pretty professional. He's going to set up a photo booth scenario, with different fabrics and such. We told him just to do whatever he wanted, photo wise. We were glad he turned out to be cool.

A student wrote a letter to the dean about me. (I do teach 1520, but I'm not teaching it in the fall and she wanted me to teach it.)

To Whom It May concern,

I cannot believe that we only have 17 days until our August 14th wedding. Time is wizzing by. I will probably make a comprehensive progress post with all of my photos, when we hit the week mark.

Last week, we got our marriage license. We also went to Costco and bought liquor. My fears about my alcoholic father's behavior resurfaced (but that's a whole other post.) We met with our officiate to finalalize the cermony, before I printed the programs. We put together a seating chart (Paul was surprizingly good at this.) I wrapped gifts for our attendants and family. I put together a honeymoon itinarary (we are going to London and Scotland, from Detroit, MI.) Paul ordered our wine and white sparkling wine yesterday (8 dollar a bottle! Ouch!)

In other words, we have been workin' it.

 

Wow! The days are rolling by. Yesterday, I paid the caterers. OUCH! We paid for 100 people, but we will have more than that. When they call for the final head count, I'll pay for the other 10 peeps. Man, was it expensive. I mean, I've known that it was going to cost a lot for the past seven months, but actually paying for it made me wince. I hope it kicks ass.

Today, Paul and I are going to Pontiac to get our marriage license! Whew! Why Oakland County only has one office for this and it's in Pontiac, is a question that surely has a stupid answer. After we do that, we are meeting my mom to go to Costco for our liquor and mixer needs.

Here's what's on the list: Pop, Diet Pop, OJ, Sprite, Tonic, Club Soda, Ginger Ale (my personal fav), Cranberry Juice and Pineapple juice.

As for the liquor, I think we are looking at: 5 Bottles of Vodka, 2 Bottles of Gin, 3 Bottles of Whiskey, and 2 Bottles of Rum.

I think our crowd will be mostly a beer drinking crowd and we are getting Kegs at Whole Foods (along with some champagne and cases of wine.) We are going to get some LaBatt's (for the Dads, 'cause they usually prefer domestic) and Short's Pandemonium Pale Ale (for the majority of the Whole Foods beer snobs.) I think we are considering getting an additional beer snob keg.

Once we take care of the drinks, we have nothing BIG left to do, except write our vows.

Instead of staying at a B&B, we decided to rent an SUV for us, our four house guests and all of this wedding stuff (decor, drinks, etc.), and go home after the wedding. Lots of people told us that we will be tired, out-of-our-minds, and it won't matter where we are that night. We also figured that it would be a lot easier to take a couple of our guests to the airport the next day. We will be alone in the UK for 10 days, so that should do us.

I made up and itinerary for our UK trip, recently. We also went ahead and paid for our Gatwick Express Tickets and for our tickets to the Tower of London. We prepaid for one hotel in Edinburgh (2 nights), but for the additional 6 nights, we must have $1012! Man, oh, man. We are staying at a rather expensive B&B at the Isle of Skye though.

In other, non-wedding related news, we saw The Half-Blood Prince on Wednesday. It kicked ass! They matured the characters well, very subtely. I loved the "white shots." Malfoy looked badass. It was long, but it was well paced. It was excellent. Thank God!
 
I can't believe it's almost over, the HP series and our wedding planning. ;)
 
Next weekend, we are going to Traverse City for a wedding. We are spending the night and it's going to kick butt!
 

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Today is our shower and I thought I'd share the DIY projects Paul and I put together.

First, I made 5 dozen Vegan Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies. I used the recipe found in The Chicago Diner Cookbook. Mmm. They turned out buttery tasting. I packaged the cookies myself, using a template I found here: Flights Of Fancy I bought a Martha Stewart embosser, and woh baby, does that work your hand muscles well. Here are a few photos of my cookies:

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